We Can Just Buy New Ones
by imfrozentrash
Summary: Hans is preparing for his wedding day months in advance. But, his Best Man fails to convince him the consequences of buying a tuxedo so early. When his fiancé finds him in disarray at home, she finds a way to make him feel better. Helsa One-Shot. Modern AU. Humor. Romance. NSFW.


**Author's Note:** NSFW. Explicit sexual content.

* * *

"Well?" his Best Man sits and inspects the suit. Hans anxiously waits for an answer as he checks back in the mirror. "Is the color off?"

Hans, they're _all_ black tuxedoes," Kristoff explains matter-of-factly. He sets aside his beer and walks up to him. "Maybe a few sizes bigger?"

"What are you talking about?!" Hans turns around feeling both flushed and insulted. "This suit is very fitting, thank you. I do _not_ need one a few sizes bigger!" he about faces with a grunt just for his shoulders to slump forward. "Do I?"

"I'm just saying we're six months early for tuxedo shopping. A lot can happen in those months until your big day,"

"And with our training at the gym, there's nothing to worry about!" Hans retorts, straightening out his lapels.

"I'm not talking about your arms and upper body," Kristoff stands next to his best friend and grips onto his bicep. "Which by the way, they're getting there," he nods approvingly. "I'm talking about your lower body," Hans slowly turns to his Best Man with a raised eyebrow.

"Lower body?"

Kristoff scuffs and smacks him upside the head. "I'm talking about your stomach, dumbass," he shakes his head at his inappropriate mindset and grabs his beer again. "Too many of these and those pants are not going to fit you the week of,"

"Well, I'm not like you. I don't drink every weekend,"

"That includes wine too,"

Hans sighs and shakes off his friend's doubt. "Well, this tux isn't looking too bad right now, it's in my price range, and I'm about done trying on any more clothes,"

"You sure?" Kristoff asks, still feeling the need for his friend to think this through.

Hans reaches into his pocket and pulls out his platinum credit card and holds it out for his Best Man to take with a smirk. "Positive,"

* * *

Months later, the groom glares at his tuxedo as it hangs on the back of his bedroom door. Slowly, he notices a change in his body. Regardless of all the weekly workouts he does with Kristoff and their trainer, Hans has been feeling off lately.

"Alright, let's try this, again shall we?" Hans sighs to himself and takes it off the hanger. The past couple of weeks, he's been trying on his tuxedo a few times just to be sure the damn thing still fits. It does, but he's been noticing the struggle of putting it on and taking it back off.

The groom hasn't even fastened his slacks and the verdict is true: he gained weight. Hans stares in horror as a plump layer of his stomach lays on top of the dress pants, not allowing the button to fasten.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Hans whispers in horror. "Just fantastic," he sighs in defeat and slumps on the bed. But Hans' eyes shoot wide open when a quick and swift _rip_ sliced the silence. Tears suddenly filled his eyes and he just buries his head in his hands and sobs to himself.

"Hans, I'm home!" Elsa calls out, shutting the apartment door with her heel. "it took forever but I have samples for our flower centerpieces!" she cheers with bouquets of flowers in her arms. "I didn't know which ones to sample so I grabbed them all! Which isn't a problem considering their all free," Elsa giggles to herself as she sets them all on the counter. "Honey, are you home?" she calls throughout the apartment. No answer.

 _His shoes and car keys are here._ "Hans?" Elsa takes off her shoes and walks into their shared bedroom. Her heart stops when she sees her fiancé crying on their bed. "Hans!" by the call of his name, his head snaps up to reveal the stream of tears down his cheeks.

"Elsa?"

"Hans, what happened?!" his wife-to-be rushes to his side and stares for an answer. "What's wrong sweetheart? Did something happen today?" she worriedly takes his hand and tries to stroke it in comfort. Hans looks down to his lap and mumbles. "What?" she leans in closer only to hear him mumble softer. "Hans, you need to speak up. What did you say?"

"I gained weight!" Hans wines out loud. Elsa is startled by his outburst and inspects her highly attractive soon-to-be husband. "My dress pants don't fit me," he cries.

"Didn't you get a few sizes bigger?" Elsa asks softly.

"No, I didn't okay?! And I should have!" Hans stands on his feet and pouts like a child, knowing his friend was right (again.) He stomps over to the mirror and turns around to see his navy-blue boxers exposed for the whole world to see.

"Oh, Hans," Elsa smiles with sympathy, seeing the damage already done.

"And now I can't return it!" Hans cries and flops down on their bed. "I'll never get marries now!"

"Hans!" Elsa gasps out loud with a laugh. "What are you talking about? We're still going to get married,"

"No! The whole day is ruined! Everything is ruined because I'm fat!"

"Honey, you're being irrational. We can just buy new ones," but Elsa receives another pouting fit from her grown husband. Then, an idea pops into her head. "You know, I don't think it's all that bad,"

"Oh yeah? How?" Hans looks up from the blankets with stained tears.

"Now I can see you without you having to take off your pants," Elsa smirks. Hans gasps in shock as his face heats up.

"Elsa!"

"But I still want them off,"

"What are you –"

"Now," Hans shutters at her sudden tone and complies with her orders. He kicks them off, now laying in his boxers. "See? Still, the sexy man that I want to marry," she smiles, lying next to him.

"No, I gained weight," Hans pouts. "I hate it,"

"I don't," Elsa's delicate fingers trace his side, causing his muscles to flex. She then bites her bottom lip in anticipation.

"What are you going to do about it?" Hans hoarsely asks, now suddenly forgetting his insecurities.

Elsa takes his chin in her hand and pulls him down into a passionate kiss. Her tongue glides into his mouth with ease as she pushes him down below her. Hans moans in her touch as his hands explore her delicate body in familiarity. He teasingly unbuttons her blouse and shrugs it off her shoulders. Elsa pulls back with a sigh, saliva trailing down her mouth and throws it over her somewhere in the room. Hans exposes his neck and she wastes no time to kiss his favorite and sensitive spot. He grips her hips and eagerly motions a steady rhythm for the both of them.

"God, Elsa. Please, I can't wait anymore," Hans grunts, feeling his boxers grow tighter.

"Say it again," Elsa sighs, leaving trails of kisses down his body and stopping just above his erection.

"Please," Hans hisses and tangles his fingers in her hair. "Elsa, I need you,"

Elsa smirks at her dominance and slowly pulls them down, revealing his erection; muscle and all standing at attention. With a lick of her lips, Elsa takes it all in without warning. Hans gasps as he grips her hair from the sudden sensation. His vision blurs as his other senses take in the sounds and touches of his beautiful fiancé. Hans' breaths become more staggered as Elsa's rhythm increases with each downward motion in her mouth.

"Oh Elsa," Hans arches his back in anticipation. "Come on, more. Give me more,"

Elsa quickly pulls out with a loud and wet _pop,_ sighing on his fully erect cock. She takes him in her hand and swiftly motions it up and down. Elsa moves up to her ear and kisses loud sighs as she expertly gives him a hand job.

"Elsa," Hans' voices hitch up an octave. "Oh God, I'm gonna cum,"

Elsa giggles as she kisses his ear. "Cum for me," the more staggered Hans' voices become, the louder Elsa moans in his ear. With a loud grunt, Hans grinds his fingernails down Elsa's shoulders. Elsa gasps when she feels his warm semen on her stomach and feels his entire body tremble at the exhilarating orgasm.

"That's it," Elsa sighs as she continues to massage him. Hans moans at the sensation, now feeling sensitive to her touch. Her hand leaves the now tired muscle and lovingly caresses his cheek, sharing a passionate kiss. Elsa moves back and stares down at her groom, flustered and handsome as ever.

"Whoa," Hans sighs, thinking of nothing else to say.

"Still upset?" Elsa smiles with a tease.

"About what?"

She giggles at his short memory and cuddles close to his warm body. "Don't worry, we can just buy new ones,"

* * *

I wrote this late last night at 3 AM feeling incredibly horny. Same as ever, I'm trash.

 **Update:** I also plan on doing a Drabble Challenge! I'll create a new thread of stories for it later but I plan on making a bunch of nonsense one-shots and compile them in one place. I want these separate from the ongoing Helsa AU I'm doing on this account. But they'll be from your requests! I'm open to writing any OTP that you wish. If you don't specify, I'll automatically write Helsa.

So, please think of ideas of AU's you want to come true and I'll take care of the rest! I've only gotten a couple on Tumblr and I'd love more to make you happy. Thanks guys! I hope you've enjoyed!


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